Sometimes the conversations & questions people tell you to avoid at all costs (politics at dinner, religion the first time you meet your boyfriends parents, asking someone what they really think of you) are the conversations you need to have more than any other. I argue this because I think those very conversations give you insight into yourself in a way that, if appreciated correctly, is priceless in its capacity to teach you who you are at your core.
Then again, I wonder if you can every really know yourself. I’m weary of people who say they know exactly who they are & are classically “happy with that.” I don’t think they are lying but I am concerned they are complacent. This is harsh. I realize. But I say this as a person who time & time again has referred to myself as self-aware & comfortable with “who I am.” I am self-aware. But not to the end I thought it meant. I’m aware of myself. This means I should be aware of the fact that everyday, I am changing. Everyday is different & highlights different aspects of my personality. Every day, based on the situations I find myself in or the people I’m surrounded by, I am challenged to the same end. It’s unpredictable. The moment I start to think who I am in so cemented, the minute I stop learning. Worse, the minute I allow myself to stop focusing on bettering myself & start focusing on critiquing others. It’s a strange dichotomy & a fine line. To be so safe in who you are that you suddenly feel enlightened enough to help others reach the same “universal goal.” I should clarify that everyone needs close friends who are willing to call you out on you idiocy or boost you when you are down. These are not the scenarios I refer to, especially not when they are called upon by the person in need. I’m referring to moments of unwarranted advice or worse, blatant critique.
Often our world compartmentalizes people’s personalities & their actions. Trying to focus on patterns & stereotypes. It’s the way we define each other & ourselves. It’s the way we make sense of the world around us. It doesn’t make it healthy. When I said earlier that I think it’s hard to every really really “know” yourself, I say that because part of who you are as a person is wrapped up in how you are perceived – like it or not. That part of who you are rarely, if ever, becomes apparent to you. Unless, of course, you engage in the so-called conversation no-no’s appearing between parentheses in paragraph one. I feel like when you break the norms, when you push yourself & others to see you from a different angle & interact with you in a new light, you see yourself differently. You see each other different. And, dare I say, you see the world differently – even if it’s just for a moment.
I’ve only touched the surface of something her. I realize while I’m writing this that I want to weigh in people’s upbringing, life experiences, circle of friends & even the region they live in. I know parts of life are inescapable in their ability to affect & effect US. I don’t know, maybe a good exercise would be to write down 10 adjectives, verbs or short phrases that identify you as a person. Then, without showing your closest friends & family those words, have them do the same. Compare. It may not be life-changing. It may be reassuring. Tat could be exactly what you need. Either way, it will be worthwhile. A checks & balance, if you will because sometimes you get carried away with life & forget what it is that makes you, you. Sometimes you forget how people perceive you. Sometimes you never knew….
